I have blogged often about my loneliness. I used to think it was the absence of a companion, but lately I've realized that its more likely the absence of feeling necessary to someone. That might be the same thing, but I'm not sure.
I miss a lot of things about being married and having my family under one roof. I miss the sense of someone being there. I miss the laughter and the noise of togetherness. I miss the daily presence of folks who love you and need you around.
Now don't get me wrong, I know they still love me and, I'm sure on some level, they still need me. But not like they did when they were dependent on me for their very survival. The hardest part about being an empty-nester, is not only that they aren't physically around, but that you aren't necessary for the big things.
It doesn't need to be said that I am so very proud of my adults, who have taken in all of the lessons that we tried to teach them, and are applying them every single day. They are independent and resilient and living life as grandly as they can.
So where does that leave me? I previously thought this gaping hole could be filled by a relationship and it wasn't until recently that it has started to dawn on me that there is a reason that God hasn't sent anyone. He really truly wants me to see Him as my constant companion. And to be honest, I haven't take care of that companionship like I should have. Not to say that I haven't prayed and worshipped and gone to church. I was seeing God as many of His other manifestations. God the Provider (Jehovah Jireh), God the Healer (Jehovah Rapha), God of Peace (Jehovah Shalom) , etc. But not as God the Companion (Emmanuel - God with us).
As I struggle with my loneliness, I came across a well-known scripture "Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:14
I have to rehearse this thing. I have to paste this to mirror and read it every day. I have to take hold of God telling me not be afraid because I am not alone. He is with me. And when I get weak, when I worry that I am going to die alone, when I fret that my life has become mundane and useless, this will remind me otherwise.
If you are feeling like this with me, let's agree to hold each other up in our prayers, to stand in the gap for each other. I don't have to know your name, just know that I will seek God on behalf of everyone who might be is in this place.
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